I was so excited! Our first pregnancy and we're on our way to our first visit with the OB-Gyn. For those who know, you have to wait until you're at least 6 weeks along to make an appointment, and then if there's no availability, you'll have to wait some more. If calculations were correct, I was already 8 weeks along, inching towards 9 by the time an opening was available. It's early morning, right after rush hour. As my husband drove along, I looked out to beautiful Spring foliage.
"How many times have you heard me cry out, 'God please take this'? How many times have you given me strength to Just keep breathing? Oh, I need you. God, I need you now." A nice tempo, and nice lyrics caught my attention as it played on the radio. I continue listening to the rest of the song, and I said to my husband, "What a nice song. I wonder who's singing?" Later, we found out it was "Need You Now" by Plumb.
After the first appointment, I had to be monitored more frequently, so within 2 weeks, I've been there about 5 times. Every appointment were scheduled at different hours of the day, different days of the week, but for each appointment, the same song was played on our way. Coincidence was what I said on the second visit. Then as each appointment come and passed, I realize it was no coincidence at all. It was God being there for me. He was telling me to be strong. The day after the 4th appointment, I was in tremendous pain, and possibly passed out (or fell asleep). When I woke up, I cried. I prayed. I didn't know what to do. Then my husband came home from work. With the doctor's office closed, we went straight there the next day. Two different ultrasounds confirmed what my doctor had speculated from the first appointment (but did not tell me), it was an ectopic pregnancy, and it's at a danger point. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels was stagnant from just two days before. It's time to let my pregnancy go. I was motionless as doctors and nurses move around and do whatever they want with me, as my husband held my hand. Only the melody of the chorus of "Need You Now" repeated itself over and over again in my mind.
On our way home, again, half of the song "Need You Now" played softly, as my husband had lower the volume. I pretended to be napping in the car with my eyes closed. Afterwards, a song I do not know played. It was Laura Story's "Blessings". I listened to every word, but did not speak. At home, I cried many many days and nights.
Four more visits to follow up and only once was "Need You Now" played, but "Blessings" played on the radio to or from every appointment. Coincidence? I think not. I probably wouldn't even noticed it was playing the same songs for every appointment if God didn't give me a tap to listen the very first time. It was Him. He who strengthened me. He who comforted me. It's not like the physical or the emotional pain was gone just like that. He gave me a "heads up" to let me know that He's already there with me on the very first appointment, even when I didn't know anything was wrong. He knows I'll be in hurting, and He gave me comfort in many ways - from my husband, to my family, to my doctor who called me everyday to check up on me for a week and most simply, comfort in my mind and heart that He's there, crying with me.That is my story about our God of coincidences. Years I felt this nagging to share this story, but I didn't want to. It's personal and it's my husband's and my pain. I just don't want to. Ever so often, I see it again. His coincidences. His way of asking me to share this story with others. To let others see that He's amongst their coincidences too. After reading "Hope Harbor", it was stronger, and I still was hesitant. Then a dream came, and I knew then and there, I have to.
I think back many times over the years since, and I can't deny the love I felt knowing God gave me many obvious "coincidences" to tell me He's here with me. There are many ways God uses coincidences, which some say is fate, but what is fate? It's God telling us, "I'm here". It's Him. Like I mentioned in my review of "Hope Harbor", coincidences are blessings in disguise. They are blessings that may not be what you expect, or may or may not be known right away, but in time it will reveal itself. I am still sad about my first pregnancy and I guess I will always be, but I believe in His love, His comfort, His strength and His blessing. I may not see what that specific blessing is from that incident, but I put my trust in Him. He is good.
Last, I want to share the lyrics of "Need You Now" by Plumb. You'll find the lyrics to "Blessings" in my "Hope Harbor" review.
Well everybody's got a story to tell And everybody's got a wound to be healed I want to believe there's beauty here Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on I can't let go, I can't move on I want to believe there's meaning here
(Chorus) How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"? How many times have you given me strength to Just keep breathing? Oh I need you God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan Wondering how I got to where I am I'm trying to hear that still small voice I'm trying to hear above the noise
Oh I walk, oh I walk through the shadows And I, I am so afraid Please stay, please stay right beside me With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out? And how many times have you given me strength?
I need you now I need you now