Guest Post: If Famous Authors Were on Dating Sites - Part II by Nichole Parks

Welcome, Nichole to Just Commonly! 

Whether you have a way with words or not, the course of online dating never did run smooth.

Below you’ll find the imagined dating profiles of Dr Seuss, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Margaret Mitchell, Lucy Maud Montgomery, and Edgar Allen Poe. The majority of which are comprised of quotes from the authors.

Dr. Seuss  
I’m someone who cares a whole awful lot.

What attracts you to a woman?
Teeth are always in style.

Describe a date you might plan.
Oh, the places we’ll go! There is fun to be done!! There are points to be scored, and games to be won. We can bike until June, or try something wild, or perhaps we’ll stay home to chill and be mild.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
I'm a romantic; a sentimental person thinks things will last, a romantic person hopes against hope that they won't.

Describe your ideal woman.
I hope she’ll be a fool--that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.

Where do you see yourself in five years?
I’m not sure what I’ll do, but--Well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.

Margaret Mitchell
I'm tired of everlastingly being unnatural and never doing anything I want to do. I'm tired of acting like I don't eat more than a bird, and walking when I want to run and saying I feel faint after a waltz, when I could dance for two days and never get tired. I'm tired of saying, “How wonderful you are!” to fool men who haven't got one-half the sense I've got, and I'm tired of pretending I don't know anything, so men can tell me things and feel important while they're doing it.

Is that scandalous to say? I hope so. I’ve found with enough courage you can do without a reputation. And until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is.

In a weak moment, I have written a book.

You should contact me if. . .  
You want to kiss and often, by someone who knows how.

Lucy Maud Montgomery  
What I know about myself really isn't worth telling. but if you let me tell you what I imagine about myself you'd find it a lot more interesting.

As a rule, I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted. I do know my own mind. The trouble is. . . The trouble is, my mind changes and then I have to get acquainted with it all over again.

What I’m looking for in a mate is. . .
I wouldn't want to marry anybody who was wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't.

Cat or dog person?
Cats. I love them, they are so nice and selfish. Dogs are too good and unselfish. They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human.

Edgar Allen Poe
I am a writer. Therefore. I am not sane. Nor do I pretend to be.

Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence– whether much that is glorious– whether all that is profound– does not spring from disease of thought– from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.

Still, better for you to believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.

Ideal date
A poetry reading. For me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion.

Cat or dog person? Nevermore. 

- About Nichole-

Nichole Parks (not to be mistaken for Nicholas Sparks) packs a punch as a copywriter. When she’s not cuffed to her inbox, Nichole evades blind dates and loves on her latest dark humor manuscript. Always with a flair for the traumatic… Stalk her on FacebookPinterestTwitterInstagram.




  1. Thanks so much for hosting me, Annie! I had a great time writing this post.

    1. Thank YOU Nichole for dropping by my blog! It was soooo much fun reading these. Love Dr. Seus' and Margaret Mitchell's made me laugh!

  2. OH. MY. GOODNESS!!! This is LAUGH-OUT-LOUD funny, and I'm just glad I'm alone now while reading this because my hubby would squint at me like I'm crazy (as if he doesn't already know that!!), laughing like I am. ;)

    Nichole, you are SUCH a hoot, and I absolutely LOVE your sense of humor, my friend. And, boy, oh boy, did you nail ol' Margaret -- thanks for including her.

    And, Annie, thanks for having Nichole on -- I needed that laugh, especially on a Monday!! ;)

    Hugs and more hugs to two of my favorite people!

    1. Julie, you are too kind! I'm glad that I did Margaret Mitchell justice. She made it easy to arrange her profile. She has so much to say and so much personality to say it with!

    2. Thanks Julie for stopping by. Isn't this fun??!! Nichole is hilarious!

  3. Loved this post - too funny!! Thanks Nichole - and thanks, Annie!!

  4. Oh my goodness!!! Absolutely hilarious and so well-written! I want to read more! ^_^


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